It’s the type of coffee shop you would see in any hipster magazine; exposed brick on every wall aged by its former use, old wooden tables and chairs scattered around the rectangular room with an air of purposeful casualness. I sat waiting for my friend Keinon.
It was a normal Saturday afternoon in the late summer in Atlanta. The sun was shining and the air had a light breeze that whispered to you — a whisper that says “get out the house and go do something.” So I listened and the breeze took me to this coffee shop to hang with my friend who also heeded to the call. As I waited, I watched with fascination the body language and the banter of the college kids sitting in a circular huddle across the room. I daydreamed about the those college days 18 years ago; how carefree and irresponsible they were.
“You stare any longer at those college kids and I am going to tell your wife,” Keinon interrupted with a smirk.
“Just thinking about the good ole days,” I responded.
“Good ole days for sure,” Keinon said softly as if to himself.
There was a silence for awhile; we both allowed that moment to linger as we both seemed to drift back to moments prior to jobs, mortgages, wives and deadlines.
“I wouldn’t trade the stage of life I am in for the world,” Keinon says almost in defiance.
“I love being a dad,” he continued. “My kid is a blessing to me because she truly gives me purpose; she is the reason I wake up in the morning. Everyday I have the opportunity to shape her with my actions, my pratices, my beliefs — it’s an on-going experience and I am rewarded with smiles and hugs when I get it right.”
Keinon’s words weighed in my thoughts as heavy as an anchor throughout the conversation, the laughs and the goodbye as we parted ways.
You see, not having children of my own, I am not capable of truly understanding the joy and renewed purpose for life that Keinon has. Life to me at this point is — wake up — work and then go home to share the common pleasantries with my wife and then go to bed. If being a dad shifts your core ideology of who you are and your purpose, then I want in. The thought of change consumed me and many questions came to mind. Was it selfish to use a kid as a catalyst to change? What personal traits do I have now that would be horrid to pass on to another person? I started to think about the three things I would like to change now, so hopefully more positive traits rub off. Here are the ones that I came up with…
- The Practice of Minimalism
In my adult life I have based most of decisions on maintaining the things I have. I’ve been able to design an amazing home equipped with the “internet of things.” Everyday I make a decision on whether I am going to ride bike, motorcycles or jeep to work. It was on my ride to work that I was listening to a podcast which nearly made me crash. The podcast said a simple quote that blew my mind in that moment. He simply said, “The things you own, end up owning you.” I thought about that — my long hours at work, dealing with difficult clients and managing staff. All of “THIS” is to maintain cool stuff which I can’t fully enjoy. Immediately, I began to reduce all my stuff, so I could lessen the dependency of working as much as I do. I don’t want a child that thinks working long hours is a way to provide for a family. I wish for a child that understands that making the decision to have less can positively effect on the enjoyment of life.
2. The Practice of Mindfulness
Being present multiple times a day and being grateful in those moments is something that we don’t do much these days. We are constantly thinking about what has happened in the past or what will happen in the future, which distracts us from being present. What we don’t realize is the past and future are figments in our minds and don’t truly exist. I want to remember to stay mindful in the present and being grateful in those moments with my future child.
3. Being Physically Fit
Usually, I fail with working out consistently because I don’t have a strong connection with the results. Working out because I would look better or feel better hasn’t been enough motivation for me. However, visualizing being a superhero to my child and being able to camp, hike, run or fix bikes with him motivates me in a different way. It tugs at my heart verses my ego.
